Daily Diary 91

I don't really know how to approach this, but it is just something else that has been bothering me for a while. It really shouldn't but it kind of does and I really hate that it does. I hate even trying to type it but I know that it will make me feel a little bit better to put it out there. I hate feeling like I have to compete with them. I know I don't have to but I feel like I always am. I feel like you are always with them, always texting them and god I sound like some psycho but I am not trying to. I tried so hard to stop my self form thinking that way but I just feel like I am second to them. I don't drink, I get super moody all the time, I am not smart what so ever, I like super weird things. I feel like they judge me on how I act and what I do. I am probably just paranoid but...I don't know...I just feel like you don't want to be around me or text me as much as you want to be around them..? I don't know I'm just crazy, I think I have finally realized that...I wish I was actually crazy. Not really but sometimes I do. I just, sometimes wish I didn't have to feel like that, I wish I didn't feel like that at all. Because I realize that they are your friends and I whole heartedly support that I just feel like 98 percent of the time I am just not included. I don't know what I'm typing anymore. Sorry.