Daily Diary 46

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm confused and hurt and lost. Although I'm more lost than anything. I don't know where I am or where I'm going. I don't know which way to turn to or which direction to go. I don't know what is left or right I don't know what is up or down. I'm lost...I'm disoriented...I'm confused... 

Daily Diary 45

When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops and it is a beautiful place and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you. 

- James Frey, A Million Little Pieces 

Daily diary 44

I feel like I'm at constant war with my self. I'm depressed and always anxious and I feel like I'm going to explode. I cannot handle anymore stress then I already have. I want a normal life I just want to not have any special thing to me anymore...I'm done. I'm moving I want out of here...far far away from here as I can get will make me very happy extremely happy. I will regret it some,yes but in the long run...for my health I will be doing what's right 

Daily Diary 43

Is it even worth being friends with others, is it worth the hurt and pain you must put into it? I know it is for the joy and happy times but when it is constantly being torn down around you is it worth it? Is it really worth it in the end. The moment feels like your heart is being ripped out and kicked around and shredded, it feels like an icy cold grip around you and you cannot break free. It is like your whole world is crashing down and you can do nothing to stop it because you also had a really big part in tearing it down. Am I really that much of an idiot? Am I really that naive? Am I really that stupid? I guess all I can say is sorry for everything and that I have done everything I could have done. But even that is a lie because I haven't done anything and still have not, I tried to and it was successful at first but then it took a turn for the worst. Then I go and make it ten times worse because I'm a complete idiot who pushes the people that care away and react in such a hard manner which ends in disaster. I lose everyone in the end anyway so whats the difference now right? Well there is a big difference because I don't want to lose this person, but I think I already did. I am so sorry.