Daily Diary 67

The sun is dipping low in the sky, mixing with pinks and purples and oranges. The different shades of blue are bleeding through the bright colors. The stars are coming out, shining brightly. The moon is switching places with the sun. My eyes vacantly stare out the window, witnessing the change. There is a high pitch ringing in my ears, this eerie sound ringing and ringing and ringing. My head is heavy, foggy, dark. I can't really think straight. I don't actually know what I'm doing. I'm here but I'm not here. I'm just going through the motions. Wandering around, not really knowing what I'm doing. I can't stop thinking about everything. There is so much pressure on my shoulders, that I feel like I am going to collapse, under the weight of the world. I have to do so much for colleges. I have to do so much for school. I have to do so much for my family. I have to do so much for my friends. I have to do so much for myself. But the reality of all of it is that I can't do all of this on my own, and thats all I've got...is myself. I feel like my friends aren't really there, I mean I can't expect them to be, they have their own things to worry about. My parents aren't there. One is always so busy and is a walking fuse. The other, she's not there...she's gone, I have lost her. I have lost her, and I don't think she is coming back. I can't ask my brother for help, he wouldn't understand. I can't talk to my grandparents because they're to far away and they too would not understand what is happening to me. I don't even now what is happening to me. What is happening to me? 

Daily Diary 66

Here I am. In the dimming twilight, streaming through my windows. Getting dressed in a daze. How much more can I go through before everything gets better. How much more are you going to put me through until everything works out alright. When am I going to feel content, and safe and happy. When am I going to feel better and not like Im going to have my heart ripped out?