Daily Diary 63

Here a hole that fits mine, the moment I saw you I knew it'd be the closest I'd get to being...close. I didn't know what to do with that feeling...happiness. I used to be able to when I was strong, but now I'm weak and I can't, I can't. I went crazy when I was with you, I can't let that happen again. Loves not supposed to do that, you made me go mad. You're making me go mad even now, and it hurts that you are out of reach. I can't have you, no one can have you but her. Deep down I like to think you still like me, still care for me, and a part of me thinks it's true. I honestly think you like me but you're confused. Confused if you like her more than you like me, or the other way around. I don't know what you're thinking, I wish I knew. I want you so badly, but I can't have you and it hurts everyday that I have to see you with her. She hates me I'm sure. I don't blame her. What do I do, should I tell you straight up that I don't like you being with her...would that make a difference? Sometimes...I wish I could be like Effy Stonem, although she, as a character, closely resembles me, personality wise, but she handles her self much better than I ever could. She also didn't know what to do with her feelings, I don't think she realized she loved Freddie until it was like right there in her face, that extreme feeling while watching him with someone else. I think that what is happening with me now. I just still don't know if I love you or not. How the hell do I even tell something like that? She also screws a lot up, which I do quite often so...we're a like. She did not know what to do and I don't know either...I just wish...just wish things could be different.