Daily Diary 41

I am such an idiot. I sit here on this blog and i wallow in my own pain and self pity. I think I am pretty brave and pretty strong and my home situation is not to be take lightly. But..just now I had watched a movie called Now Is Good. It was so good, and while I was watching this movie it made me realize that my life may be bad but its nothing compared to some other peoples..and they still move forward, they still keep going on strong. This movie was about a girl with leukemia, and it really hit hard because my aunt died from it when she was just 11. It made me think that life isn't so bad.

Daily Diary 40

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I knew it would happen again. I can't keep forgiving you. I love you so much but you make me so angry,and confused I just don't know what to do anymore. You are destroying my life! I don't have a life as a 16 year old! I'm a mother at the age of 16 it seems. I want to be a teenager I don't know why you do this to your self.

Daily Diary 39

I feel like I'm missing. Like I'm lost and I have no where to go,no where to look, and no idea where to go. I am do confused and I do not think I'm going to figure it out. I may make the biggest mistake in my life,but I also might not. Although not final,I think I know what I'm going to do...

Daily Diary 38

Today was the first time I yelled at my grandparents today,I feel terrible. Of course we are stressed,upset,angry and tired. I couldn't blame them for telling at each other, but I'm also feeling upset and angry and they're my rock...I just snapped. The last bit of stability in my life has been thrown out the window. I'm so tired of all of this. I just want to be done.

Daily Diary 37

It seems like an eternity just sitting here waiting...worried out of my mind...fearing the worst... Hopping that it is not happening. I'm scared, because I do not know exactly what is happening... Please be alright and come safely.

Daily Diary 36

I guess it is true,trust no one but your self...because in the end others let you down. They tell lies, make promises they cannot keep and over all screw you over.Let me tell you this, it hurts...it hurts more than it really should but as the days go on you get used to the pain and go completely numb and then it doesn't hurt anymore.

Daily Diary 35

Tired. Sleep is evading me and all I can do is sit here and do nothing. Countless thoughts plague my mind,floating aimlessly, drifting where ever. I try and I try but it gets me no where. I'm at that part in life again where I'm confused, where I'm not in my mind anymore...I'm looking at my self from out side of my body. Is it real or not real? My mind is foggy and I cannot tell what I'm doing anymore or what I should be doing I'm confused. Everything that needs to be decided is not getting decided. I don't know what I want to do and it's killing me. Sometimes I wish I could just go and leave all of it behind...but that's just it i have no where to go...

Daily Diary 34

I feel trapped. I feel trapped under a thick layer of ice, drifting through the water underneath. I feel heavy, I feel like I'm sinking. I can see fragments of light, of hope, but it disappears just as soon as it comes. It's cold, it's dark, it's lonely.  I don't understand anything anymore, the conflicting feelings swirling inside mind, the numb feeling all over my body, the confusion pulsing through my blood stream. I feel like giving into the sinking feeling, I feel like giving into the darkness, but I know I can't.