Daily diary #7

We're all hypocrites...we say one thing and do another. We want opinions and when they're given we say they are wrong and that it's not the right answer. An opinion contradicted by another opinion, it makes no sense. It makes you ignorant and made to look like a fool. It is all wrong in a sense, so when this happens just walk away because it's not worth it.

Daily Diary #6

The hours tick by moving to quickly for me yet to slow...the doom that I hold coming closer and closer. I just want to disappear to never come back. The feeling of pain, sorrow, grief, heart ache is present now and will stay for a long while, never truly going to leave. The feelings have been present for a long while now, and knowing what I have to do tomorrow is not helping much. I feel terrible, me...I am terrible as I just realize that now. I have so much going on inside, the swirls of confusion spiraling out of control in my mind. It feels cloudy, it feels not real, it feels like Im in a dream. Like I am not in reality. I do not want to do this, no but what I am feeling now is not good for me! Or is this just me trying to make peace with myself by saying that. His heart will be broken, but the things that I am going through is to much of a burden to keep carrying that along with a relationship. I feel like we are just drifting through space, not talking, not touching, not doing much of anything. We do not talk, we do not touch and we most defiantly do not do anything. What we are is not a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship...what we are is friends...friends with benefits if you'd like because friends do not kiss. No. They do not do that...but even friends touch more, talk more, do more than we had ever done in the three months and two weeks we have been together. I can not do this anymore. I just can not. I am so sorry, you are one of my best friends turned into something more...but in reality we were always just friends with a different title...