Daily Diary 56

I may walk around like I'm confident, sometimes shy, cute, happy go lucky girl...but really I'm wearing a well painted mask...one that rarely gets taken off even with all the abuse it's put through...and of course there are cracks,many many cracks. In those cracks you can see the girl who is really under there. Sure I can be nice and I'm actually a caring compassionate person, but people have made that portion of me become very small...so now under that mask is a sad, selfish, shattered girl who can't get away from her own vainity to realize what's in front of her. I'm a selfish girl who takes things for granted. I know things that other would be shocked from, I do things that would make others fall over in surprise. I'm not the innocent person everyone thinks I am. I hold to many secrets for that. I'm vain, I love when people complement me, I love to be noticed by others, and I love when I have men drooling over me. I'm inconsiderate, I'm greedy and have a slight power problem. I'm also depressed, stressed and my anxiety is through the roof. I'm confused...as it always seems to be that way these days...and I don't know where to go, who to turn to, what to do. I can't tell anyone the whole truth, because then they give me stupid advice, and look at me with such disappointment and shame, and pity that it's not worth it. And although I'm one for drama, as I do love to create it unfortunately, I don't think I can handle it anymore. My friends are slowly dwindling, my passion for life is draining and my family is slowly dissapering from my grasp. I don't know anything anymore my head is foggy and I feel entirely lost.