Daily Diary 82

Today has been really hectic. First with my love life, then with just my life...does that make sense? I don't know but I have no idea what I am doing at the moment. My head is all kinds of fucked right now. What do you do when the person you like so much gets angry at you when they should be happy  instead? What do you do in that instant? Nothing...something...I don't know. I feel angry but at the same time I want to go to him and tell him that it wasn't okay but that I forgive him. I feel like thats wrong...I should be angry and I am but Im not at the same time. I don't know how to really feel. I just feel really stressed out and it is not okay.

I typed out a lot of responses to you, and deleted them all. I don't know how to respond to your text. I want to be angry and yell at you. I want to text you and tell you that its not exactly okay but I need you right now. I want to text you to come hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that I shouldn't cry right now because thats what I feel like doing. I just want you but right now you are being a total jerk. And right I refuse to text you anything. I want you to know that I am very upset with you and that you have to come to me for once and tell me that you are sorry. I also want you to know that our relationship is worth trying, because it is so simple. If you like me and I like you what more do you need in order to ask me out on a date. Why hesitate and waste all the precious moments we could have together? Do you really not want to be with me? Do you just want to reap the benefits of being with me but not fully committed? So what you are going away in a few months, we could try long distance and not only that wouldn't you want to be with me for the couple months before you go? Or do you not want to be held down when you go away? I don't know what to believe or think anymore. I am so confused and I honestly cannot keep doing this, so for both of our sakes make up your mind and figure it out...please.

Daily Diary 81

I want a guy who is straight forward about what he wants. I want a guy who is going to watch cheesy romance movies with me, even if they are horrible. I want a guy who is going to play with my hair, take naps with me, and do work with me. I want a guy who is going to be a total goof ball but still can be totally serious. I want a guy who is willing to go out dancing with me, the old fashion kind. I want a guy who will kiss me passionately in the rain (to be cliche, because I love that) and serious in the bedroom.  I want a guy who knows if he wants to be with me and not just beat around the bush...I am not always going to be around until you are ready to take me out.

Daily Diary 80

So I still haven't DTR'ed I know its bad but I just haven't done it yet. It needs to be done asap and I hope it will end well. Today though has been very stressful. I have to get a work study job and that kind of frightens me because I don't know what I can do or even how I am going to do it. I also still have to worry about my passport and the application for my study abroad. It is honestly stressing me out, but I have felt with much worse than this so I know I can handle it. Just one step at a time...

Daily Diary 79

Well today has been interesting I guess you could say. My dog is going to the hospital and the guy I like is being weird. Well he's not being weird he just thinks I like this other guy who happens to be friends with him and ugh its the whole Rorry/Justin thing all over again. And I don't know what to do about it. Nor do I know how to bring it back up after our first talk got cut off (for a comedian no less...just saying) I don't know I just feel like crying and it's really annoying me and I don't know anymore and ihufgiwjbksdaweoifhugefwbjkdnaiofhgrwhujnkf. I am so bad at expressing myself. Okay lies but I don't know how to do it now. I don't really do well with this sort of thing. Not only that I okay I honestly don't know where I am going with this post. Ranting and venting at the same time and I am not making sense at all lol. I do have a lot of male friends and yes some of them have liked me but I can't do anything about that and no you don't have to compete with any of them because I like you. Why is it that guys get like this well okay back track I get like this but hugrowijsbkvdznclfhw okay wow breath Dawn breath...I really want to meet Stevie Nicks. Random but I honestly do like it is such a dream.

Daily Diary 78

 Okay so wow a lot has happened within a day so far like oh my goodness! So that guy I have been talking about, yeah he kissed me ;) haha like a couple time. It was crazy! Of course I had to make a fool of my self because thats like my first real deal kiss! Like whoa haha i had no idea what I was doing but he certainly had an idea what he was doing and I just couldn't really keep up lol It is actually kind of scary you know? Its new and uncharted waters for me and I don't know how to react lol. Naturally I googled it! And I looked up how to kiss on youtube and well I guess its better than nothing lol! Not only that he spent the night in my dorm room. Like that was crazy in itself haha! I can't believe that happened haha I like him a lot. I just don't really know how to act around him, without making a fool out of myself. I do that quiet often you see...lol I guess I will just have to go with the flow and wing it because Rom-Coms don't prepare you for this. Until next time!
xoxo

Daily Diary 77

Well today has been pretty boring. I haven't really done anything today which has been nice but at the same time not as great as I wish it was. I got to take a nap and I also got most of my homework done so thats good. But the down side is that it is freezing in my dorm and outside and its positively gloomy outside which makes me want to cuddle with someone...more like a certain someone. Although I still don't know if he is into me or not...I should say something to him but what? What could I say to him that won't sound weird. I wish there was a handbook on what to do and what to say in these situations. I usually jet google it, just like I do with every problem but everything that comes up won't help me. Such a disappointment but oh well, lol. Anyway I don't have anything else to say so bye.
xoxo

Daily Diary 76

Hello again, it is super late but I felt the urge to write something really quick. It is more like I need to sort something out and writing it seemed like a good thing to do. Lol. So this guy I have been talking about I think he likes me or is at least in to me but I don't know how to tell him that I am into him and on top of that I am afraid that he isn't into me. Did that make sense? No? Okay because it didn't make much sense to me either. Ugh I don't know what to do. I know I should tell him about the feelings that are there but I don't know how to. How do you lay your feelings all on the line? Its hard! I don't know what to say or what to do in this situation. I just know that I like him. He makes me smile and laugh and I get those stupid butterflies in my stomach. I can't think when Im around him but at the same time I can just be myself and not have to worry about being judged by him. I feel completely comfortable around him. But the pressing factor in this whole problem is what if he doesn't like me back? What if after I tell him he wont talk to me that much anymore? Maybe I am just over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing but I am kind of scared to tell him. This post isn't really helping much but it is allowing me to get my feeling out there and put my worries on the line. Anyway until next time.
xoxo

Daily Diary 75

I haven't written in a long while and I am kind of sorry but not sorry for that. I tried a different blogging website and that totally sucked so I went back to the complex ways of Blogger. I mean it's not like anyone reads my posts anyway but I like to post stuff up here.
So I started college! Which is great, I love my school and my friends. Although there is one girl who I am not too keen on, which is a shame but I do have my reasons I swear! She is just too...whats the word...possessive. I don't think thats the right word I am looking for but to some degree it is. She is possessive of conversations, if that makes any sense. I feel like I can't even speak while I am around. It's speak when spoken to and not anything else. That is not how I want to be treated by my friends. Plus that, and as horrible as this sounds, I think she is into the same guy I am. And not saying that is why I stopped being her friend but it certainly doesn't help the situation when I am trying to talk to him (the guy I like and also the same guy she is interested in) and I can't speak because she butts me out of the conversation. She also has to push her way in between us all the time, so in the end I kind of just stopped talking with her and hanging out with her. I guess that was pretty rotten of me but I mean common! No one wants to be treated like that! No one! Also in the friend department I had a super clingy friend who would not for the life of anything let me out of her sights. It got super annoying really fast. She would not leave me alone, it was like she was obsessed with me. She called me more times than my mother does in a day (which is a lot considering she calls all of the time) and she kept, literally, latching onto me. She would curl around my body when we would arch a movie with friends and she would always be on top of me "cuddling." Ew no, like please don't touch me unless I say you can. It got really bad to a point where she would also just walk into my room and not let me do homework and would not let me get anything done. Finally it has calmed down after a bit of a fight, starting on her end.

Another friend of mine is quickly becoming a really great friend of mine. We get along really well and we have a lot in common. We say the same thing at the same time often which is really funny and cool at the same time and we both obsess over guys. Well not over like college boys (although we do that on the occasion) I mean like movie stars and stuff, haha but really she has made college a lot easier. My roommate too has become a close friend of mine and we get along really great! She has finally start dot come out of her shell which I am so glad for because in my opinion her parents have kept her on a sort of tight leash and now she can finally have some fun out in the real world! lol

And now to the romance in my life...not that it's a lot but there is, finally, something! So the guy I mentioned earlier, a few paragraphs up, is amazing. He and I have so much in common but also like different things (which keeps it interesting) and ugourwudsbhfgiusfghj. Okay anyway haha, he likes anime and actual good music and he is smart and likes to play video games and is super nice and likes Spiderman (aka my boyfriend, lol one of many I should say...because I have a lot of fictional boyfriends and husbands lol) and he is literally just efbigeruhwiohsuifdbjs. Okay I will stop with the letter thing but really I have come to like this guy. If he ever reads this or any of my friends for that matter they will know instantly who writes on this blog and who all of this is about...so awkward. lol. Anyway I don't know if he is into me or not because well I suck at seeing things that are right in front of my face lol. My friends say that he is but I can't help but doubt it, you know? Plus I don't want to tell him that I am into him because I don't want it to be awkward between him and I. I guess I am going to have to figure out what I am going to do because I should probably tell him soon so if he is interested he doesn't think that I friend zoned him but if he doesn't like me I won't get more feelings for him. And like we just met so its not like I am head over heels but I do like him...so yeah lol.

I think that is really it for now...I don't have anything else to really say so bye! :)

xoxo