Daily Diary 105

I constantly fuck up, I say things before I think so it is bound to happen often. Which it does, I cant ever say the right thing. I am always saying things, I don't mean, that get me into trouble. I am also always taking things too far. I have been trying so hard to work on it but no matter what I do I still end up messing up in the end…Maybe I give my self too much credit, maybe I am just making exscuses up and giving my self a way out of the feelings that come with not having a filter and hurting the people around me. There should be an app that helps with the no filter, word vomit that occurs within me. Or maybe I just shouldn’t talk. Or maybe I should try a little bit harder to actually think before I speak. Probably the best choice out of those options but it doesn’t happen over night and I have gotten so much better over the past few months. I guess I will keep trying. 

Also, I’m sorry.

Daily Diary 104

Have you ever felt so lost and lonely that you just didn't know what to do with yourself. You don't know where to turn to and you don't know what to do. And in that moment you just give up, but you're mind keeps racing and your body starts to ache and you can't control anything and it all just seems to keep going around you and nothing seems to make sense and... I feel lonely. I feel like I don't have friends. I feel like I lean on my boyfriend too much. I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't get my life together. I feel like I am going to be stuck in this hell that I call my life, with my sorry excuse for a family who doesn't care about me at all...and no one will help me and...I just feel lost and lonely and I don't know what I am doing anymore.

Daily Diary 103

Where to begin... a lot has happened to me over these past couple of months. I am not too sure where I left off in my last post but I guess I will start with I started dating someone new. We started to date in February and the relationship is still going strong. I am very happy with where I am at in this moment. Everything that has been going on has made me realize many things, like how guys should treat their girlfriends. He treats me like I am the only girl in the world for him, he also goes along with my fantasy that I'm a Queen, lol. I have also learned how to come out of my shell and do things that I would not normally do and it's all because of him. I truly like who I am when I am around him, I am confident in, not only my appearance, but also my ability to do things. I can take jokes better now, I am not super sensitive - I've grown thicker skin. Just overall I am so happy and I just like who I am. Plus my family really likes him so I am beyond thrilled. His family is also really sweet, and they are so nice to me. :)

I don't really know what else to write at this moment, I had a lot to say when coming on to my blog but now Im pretty content with what this post says so bye!

Daily Diary 102

So I am having a life crisis right now...one where I am not so sure where I want to go and what I really want to do in life. I am going one direction, the only direction I can go but I don't know if that is truly the path that I am supposed to be going down. I can't do anything else with my life. I don't know what I want to do. I am confused, and frustrated and I don't know where to turn. I am not good at anything, I can't do a ton of things many other people can. I am not smart enough to become a scientist, or a doctor or even a lawyer. I can't be a solider or a cop, I can't be a teacher because thats boring, I can't be an actor because I am too scared and its too competitive. I can't cook well, I can't do much and it is frustrating to me. I get bored so easily, but I want to be in college to learn, and I want to do something fun with my life, something spontaneous, exciting, something that will keep my interest and something that I am good at. But thats just it I'm not good at anything, I can copy things, I can take ideas, I can fuck things up. That's all I am good at and I don't know what to do.