Today has been really hectic. First with my love life, then with just my life...does that make sense? I don't know but I have no idea what I am doing at the moment. My head is all kinds of fucked right now. What do you do when the person you like so much gets angry at you when they should be happy instead? What do you do in that instant? Nothing...something...I don't know. I feel angry but at the same time I want to go to him and tell him that it wasn't okay but that I forgive him. I feel like thats wrong...I should be angry and I am but Im not at the same time. I don't know how to really feel. I just feel really stressed out and it is not okay.
I typed out a lot of responses to you, and deleted them all. I don't know how to respond to your text. I want to be angry and yell at you. I want to text you and tell you that its not exactly okay but I need you right now. I want to text you to come hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that I shouldn't cry right now because thats what I feel like doing. I just want you but right now you are being a total jerk. And right I refuse to text you anything. I want you to know that I am very upset with you and that you have to come to me for once and tell me that you are sorry. I also want you to know that our relationship is worth trying, because it is so simple. If you like me and I like you what more do you need in order to ask me out on a date. Why hesitate and waste all the precious moments we could have together? Do you really not want to be with me? Do you just want to reap the benefits of being with me but not fully committed? So what you are going away in a few months, we could try long distance and not only that wouldn't you want to be with me for the couple months before you go? Or do you not want to be held down when you go away? I don't know what to believe or think anymore. I am so confused and I honestly cannot keep doing this, so for both of our sakes make up your mind and figure it out...please.
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