Daily diary 12

I want to believe you. I do...so much that it hurts because you are my father. The one who raised me, the one who was always there for me,the one who gives me advice and supports me the one I love...the one I hate. It's confusing, the mixture inside. Always battling whether to believe you, to forgive you, to love you or hate you. I don't want to love you...I don't want to hate you. I don't know really. I just want to make you disappear sometimes,so you can't hurt her, hurt him, hurt me. You find the situations enjoyable, to watch us bend and break, to snap, to cry, to break down, to whither up...to die inside. This is why I love to hate you.