Daily diary 24

There is no way that he could possible like me that way. No. I'm just some girl he knows, that he can kinda joke around with, someone he can work with and then be done with. I'm not special to him...and I never will be. Yet I'm falling for him...his attitude, his flaws,his jokes, his sarcasm....him.

Daily diary 23

I'm sorry. I know I broke you, I know I broke your heart into so many pieces with my honesty...my feelings...but I will not keep living in my own personal hell, I refuse too. It's too horrendous, just not right for me to feel like the way I do while you pretend everything is okay like nothing ever happened. I will not have it and I'm sorry.

Daily diary 22

Pros and cons of leaving

PROS:
I get away from him
Confusion goes away
Hurt goes away
Disgust goes away
Pain goes away
My life is saved

CONS:
Friends left behind
Mom and brother left behind
PAA left behind
Jackie left behind
My life is left behind/changed

Daily diary 21

If it meant nothing. If she meant nothing...Then why did you do it. When you were married and expecting...when you had a life ahead of you. Yeah okay she defiantly meant nothing.

Daily diary 20

Hate. Deep and emotional dislike towards someone or something...and I'm filled with it. Overflowing, brimming with it. I've tried to get rid of it, I've tried to get it to go away but it hasn't and it won't. You make it so hard, and I can't help it. I hate you and nothing will ever change that.

Daily diary 19

Revenge...something many think of, something many follow through with,something many want to have...I'm no different. I want revenge on that one person who hurt me,who hurt us, who finds enjoyment in all of this. I want him to feel everything I feel,everything she feels...and with these thoughts I can't trust anybody with these secrets I hide, not all of them at least. I can really only trust my self. Although there's one thing that he can count on, I NEVER forget...

Daily diary 18

My mother always says that I'm strong...invincible...these times are the best, at times like this we understand each other a lot more than usual. At those moments is turn and wrap her up in a hug and think to my self that I am strong, I am invincible. As much as I want to believe it...I'm not...at all I'm becoming broken and even though I alright I'm not really I'm breaking inside. I can't control anything. Control has slipped through my fingers like sand. And I wish he was dead, others wish he was dead but there is a part of me that wishes he wasn't...may that be my humane side or the side that still wants to love him...