Daily diary 18

My mother always says that I'm strong...invincible...these times are the best, at times like this we understand each other a lot more than usual. At those moments is turn and wrap her up in a hug and think to my self that I am strong, I am invincible. As much as I want to believe it...I'm not...at all I'm becoming broken and even though I alright I'm not really I'm breaking inside. I can't control anything. Control has slipped through my fingers like sand. And I wish he was dead, others wish he was dead but there is a part of me that wishes he wasn't...may that be my humane side or the side that still wants to love him...