Daily diary 17

Sometimes I feel like I've been killed, like I'm gone, I'm lost...but it doesn't work like that no...I'm still here living in my own personal hell...for that reason I wish I had a normal family with a loving father and mother and a brother who will be an amazing kid...but in life wishes are not always granted...my mother broken...my father evil...my brother a a follower. I really wish for a father who loves me...who's not a creepy pervert...who doesn't push me around and berate me. I'm jealous of my friends who have that.

Daily diary 16

My life is a blur,on going never stopping...hope has failed me, love has failed me, life has failed me, faith...faith is one I'm desperately trying to hold onto. Along with trust and loyalty, but you make it hard, you all do. I don't know where to turn really. Everyday is just another day...like the one before it. They blend, and rush and go on without even a second thought. The people you meet, the things said and everything that happens has an impact that can't be changed. Even if you want it to. It's done the minute it happens no turning back, no changing...nothing.

Hey

Hello Austin! I know your sort of stalking my blog so thanks!

Daily diary 15

I'm a bit confused, not a lot just a bit. I think I'm falling for you but I'm a bit reluctant to believe it or even to let it happen. I don't even know if I should pursue you or if you even like me...we're both from different worlds. You live somewhere far far away and we wouldn't have a normal relationship. All I know is that it hurts, it hurts when you talk about someone else. About how pretty she is, how great she is, how she has a boyfriend or she doesn't. It hurts though and I don't know what to do.

Daily diary 14

An idea. An inspiring idea, thought, story. I had watched a movie tonight and it was interesting to say the least. I did not get it at first but as I sit here now thinking about it, I finally see it a bit more clearly. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I really enjoyed the movie and it brought out something in me that I had not felt in a while,mixed in with a lot of other emotions like fear, and anger, and hurt, and frustration, and so many other thins that I could just...I don't know. Tonight's daily diary is different I'm not talking in critics or being creative and writing in a wonderful way of expressing my emotions so that I can also have it relate to others, relate it to other so they can feel like someone gets them. I want to put me out here for now. Because for the first time I want to be creative for myself I want to express my way of thinking and although this is making no sense right now or well that's how it feels like...

“This moment will just be another story someday.”

That's how I feel, my life, this year, this month, this day, these days to come... My life will be just another story to be nixed into the countless others. The feelings I feel now are real and fresh and I can't eat them out of my head. They won't leave and I don't think they will for a long time. And while I half pretend to be happy I feel like dirt and I feel worthless, I feel lonely and worried and scared. Scared of what might happen and what will come of the decisions that are going to be made. I wish my life were a movie, a book, a song, because then it would be out there and be more inspiring then just being a blog where no one reads it unless I actually read it to them. Maybe it would help someone, save someone even. Who knows...maybe. I look at people sometimes and I wonder things like what are they thinking about, what are they doing here, what do they want to do, what are they going to do, what will they do, what is their purpose. I don't reach many conclusions but it's interesting to think about. I guess this is just me venting because this post has a meaning but yet it doesn't. I'm tired but I'm not tired...I think to much but that's not always bad. I think about things from the past often, mostly bad things... I should really think about other things. I guess that's it really my thoughts are all written or typed and it's done. Thanks for listening.

Daily diary 13

I want to disappear, I want to be lost, I want to be frozen, I want to turn back time, I want to I want to I want to...so many things. I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm in pain,I'm tired, I'm tired of all this bull shit. I'm tired of all the lies. I'm tired of all the yelling and fighting and the cheating and the backstabbing...I'm tired of not knowing. Not knowing who to believe, what to believe, what to do, where to go,who to turn to. It's all so confusing. I just want to go, somewhere, and disappear.

Daily diary 12

I want to believe you. I do...so much that it hurts because you are my father. The one who raised me, the one who was always there for me,the one who gives me advice and supports me the one I love...the one I hate. It's confusing, the mixture inside. Always battling whether to believe you, to forgive you, to love you or hate you. I don't want to love you...I don't want to hate you. I don't know really. I just want to make you disappear sometimes,so you can't hurt her, hurt him, hurt me. You find the situations enjoyable, to watch us bend and break, to snap, to cry, to break down, to whither up...to die inside. This is why I love to hate you.