Daily Diary 83

I feel like my life has been moving at a faster pace then usual. It's not a bad thing but I feel like everything is just passing me by so quickly and I'm running out of time to spend with you. Every moment that I spend with you, I like you more and more. I like how your eyes light up when you talk about something that you love. I like it when you laugh. I like it when you smile. I like the way you make me feel when we are together. We haven't know each other long and i think thats crazy because I feel like I have known you for so long. Maybe its just the hopeless romantic in me but you drive me crazy but you make me feel like I'm at my best. You make me feel beautiful. This might sound so stupid and cliche but its true. I used to think that this only happened in books but since I met you I've noticed things like this actually happen. I am so glad that I met you.

Daily Diary 82

Today has been really hectic. First with my love life, then with just my life...does that make sense? I don't know but I have no idea what I am doing at the moment. My head is all kinds of fucked right now. What do you do when the person you like so much gets angry at you when they should be happy  instead? What do you do in that instant? Nothing...something...I don't know. I feel angry but at the same time I want to go to him and tell him that it wasn't okay but that I forgive him. I feel like thats wrong...I should be angry and I am but Im not at the same time. I don't know how to really feel. I just feel really stressed out and it is not okay.

I typed out a lot of responses to you, and deleted them all. I don't know how to respond to your text. I want to be angry and yell at you. I want to text you and tell you that its not exactly okay but I need you right now. I want to text you to come hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that I shouldn't cry right now because thats what I feel like doing. I just want you but right now you are being a total jerk. And right I refuse to text you anything. I want you to know that I am very upset with you and that you have to come to me for once and tell me that you are sorry. I also want you to know that our relationship is worth trying, because it is so simple. If you like me and I like you what more do you need in order to ask me out on a date. Why hesitate and waste all the precious moments we could have together? Do you really not want to be with me? Do you just want to reap the benefits of being with me but not fully committed? So what you are going away in a few months, we could try long distance and not only that wouldn't you want to be with me for the couple months before you go? Or do you not want to be held down when you go away? I don't know what to believe or think anymore. I am so confused and I honestly cannot keep doing this, so for both of our sakes make up your mind and figure it out...please.

Daily Diary 81

I want a guy who is straight forward about what he wants. I want a guy who is going to watch cheesy romance movies with me, even if they are horrible. I want a guy who is going to play with my hair, take naps with me, and do work with me. I want a guy who is going to be a total goof ball but still can be totally serious. I want a guy who is willing to go out dancing with me, the old fashion kind. I want a guy who will kiss me passionately in the rain (to be cliche, because I love that) and serious in the bedroom.  I want a guy who knows if he wants to be with me and not just beat around the bush...I am not always going to be around until you are ready to take me out.

Daily Diary 80

So I still haven't DTR'ed I know its bad but I just haven't done it yet. It needs to be done asap and I hope it will end well. Today though has been very stressful. I have to get a work study job and that kind of frightens me because I don't know what I can do or even how I am going to do it. I also still have to worry about my passport and the application for my study abroad. It is honestly stressing me out, but I have felt with much worse than this so I know I can handle it. Just one step at a time...

Daily Diary 79

Well today has been interesting I guess you could say. My dog is going to the hospital and the guy I like is being weird. Well he's not being weird he just thinks I like this other guy who happens to be friends with him and ugh its the whole Rorry/Justin thing all over again. And I don't know what to do about it. Nor do I know how to bring it back up after our first talk got cut off (for a comedian no less...just saying) I don't know I just feel like crying and it's really annoying me and I don't know anymore and ihufgiwjbksdaweoifhugefwbjkdnaiofhgrwhujnkf. I am so bad at expressing myself. Okay lies but I don't know how to do it now. I don't really do well with this sort of thing. Not only that I okay I honestly don't know where I am going with this post. Ranting and venting at the same time and I am not making sense at all lol. I do have a lot of male friends and yes some of them have liked me but I can't do anything about that and no you don't have to compete with any of them because I like you. Why is it that guys get like this well okay back track I get like this but hugrowijsbkvdznclfhw okay wow breath Dawn breath...I really want to meet Stevie Nicks. Random but I honestly do like it is such a dream.

Daily Diary 78

 Okay so wow a lot has happened within a day so far like oh my goodness! So that guy I have been talking about, yeah he kissed me ;) haha like a couple time. It was crazy! Of course I had to make a fool of my self because thats like my first real deal kiss! Like whoa haha i had no idea what I was doing but he certainly had an idea what he was doing and I just couldn't really keep up lol It is actually kind of scary you know? Its new and uncharted waters for me and I don't know how to react lol. Naturally I googled it! And I looked up how to kiss on youtube and well I guess its better than nothing lol! Not only that he spent the night in my dorm room. Like that was crazy in itself haha! I can't believe that happened haha I like him a lot. I just don't really know how to act around him, without making a fool out of myself. I do that quiet often you see...lol I guess I will just have to go with the flow and wing it because Rom-Coms don't prepare you for this. Until next time!
xoxo

Daily Diary 77

Well today has been pretty boring. I haven't really done anything today which has been nice but at the same time not as great as I wish it was. I got to take a nap and I also got most of my homework done so thats good. But the down side is that it is freezing in my dorm and outside and its positively gloomy outside which makes me want to cuddle with someone...more like a certain someone. Although I still don't know if he is into me or not...I should say something to him but what? What could I say to him that won't sound weird. I wish there was a handbook on what to do and what to say in these situations. I usually jet google it, just like I do with every problem but everything that comes up won't help me. Such a disappointment but oh well, lol. Anyway I don't have anything else to say so bye.
xoxo