Hello again, it is super late but I felt the urge to write something really quick. It is more like I need to sort something out and writing it seemed like a good thing to do. Lol. So this guy I have been talking about I think he likes me or is at least in to me but I don't know how to tell him that I am into him and on top of that I am afraid that he isn't into me. Did that make sense? No? Okay because it didn't make much sense to me either. Ugh I don't know what to do. I know I should tell him about the feelings that are there but I don't know how to. How do you lay your feelings all on the line? Its hard! I don't know what to say or what to do in this situation. I just know that I like him. He makes me smile and laugh and I get those stupid butterflies in my stomach. I can't think when Im around him but at the same time I can just be myself and not have to worry about being judged by him. I feel completely comfortable around him. But the pressing factor in this whole problem is what if he doesn't like me back? What if after I tell him he wont talk to me that much anymore? Maybe I am just over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing but I am kind of scared to tell him. This post isn't really helping much but it is allowing me to get my feeling out there and put my worries on the line. Anyway until next time.
xoxo
Monday, September 21, 2015
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Daily Diary 75
I haven't written in a long while and I am kind of sorry but not sorry for that. I tried a different blogging website and that totally sucked so I went back to the complex ways of Blogger. I mean it's not like anyone reads my posts anyway but I like to post stuff up here.
So I started college! Which is great, I love my school and my friends. Although there is one girl who I am not too keen on, which is a shame but I do have my reasons I swear! She is just too...whats the word...possessive. I don't think thats the right word I am looking for but to some degree it is. She is possessive of conversations, if that makes any sense. I feel like I can't even speak while I am around. It's speak when spoken to and not anything else. That is not how I want to be treated by my friends. Plus that, and as horrible as this sounds, I think she is into the same guy I am. And not saying that is why I stopped being her friend but it certainly doesn't help the situation when I am trying to talk to him (the guy I like and also the same guy she is interested in) and I can't speak because she butts me out of the conversation. She also has to push her way in between us all the time, so in the end I kind of just stopped talking with her and hanging out with her. I guess that was pretty rotten of me but I mean common! No one wants to be treated like that! No one! Also in the friend department I had a super clingy friend who would not for the life of anything let me out of her sights. It got super annoying really fast. She would not leave me alone, it was like she was obsessed with me. She called me more times than my mother does in a day (which is a lot considering she calls all of the time) and she kept, literally, latching onto me. She would curl around my body when we would arch a movie with friends and she would always be on top of me "cuddling." Ew no, like please don't touch me unless I say you can. It got really bad to a point where she would also just walk into my room and not let me do homework and would not let me get anything done. Finally it has calmed down after a bit of a fight, starting on her end.
Another friend of mine is quickly becoming a really great friend of mine. We get along really well and we have a lot in common. We say the same thing at the same time often which is really funny and cool at the same time and we both obsess over guys. Well not over like college boys (although we do that on the occasion) I mean like movie stars and stuff, haha but really she has made college a lot easier. My roommate too has become a close friend of mine and we get along really great! She has finally start dot come out of her shell which I am so glad for because in my opinion her parents have kept her on a sort of tight leash and now she can finally have some fun out in the real world! lol
And now to the romance in my life...not that it's a lot but there is, finally, something! So the guy I mentioned earlier, a few paragraphs up, is amazing. He and I have so much in common but also like different things (which keeps it interesting) and ugourwudsbhfgiusfghj. Okay anyway haha, he likes anime and actual good music and he is smart and likes to play video games and is super nice and likes Spiderman (aka my boyfriend, lol one of many I should say...because I have a lot of fictional boyfriends and husbands lol) and he is literally just efbigeruhwiohsuifdbjs. Okay I will stop with the letter thing but really I have come to like this guy. If he ever reads this or any of my friends for that matter they will know instantly who writes on this blog and who all of this is about...so awkward. lol. Anyway I don't know if he is into me or not because well I suck at seeing things that are right in front of my face lol. My friends say that he is but I can't help but doubt it, you know? Plus I don't want to tell him that I am into him because I don't want it to be awkward between him and I. I guess I am going to have to figure out what I am going to do because I should probably tell him soon so if he is interested he doesn't think that I friend zoned him but if he doesn't like me I won't get more feelings for him. And like we just met so its not like I am head over heels but I do like him...so yeah lol.
I think that is really it for now...I don't have anything else to really say so bye! :)
xoxo
So I started college! Which is great, I love my school and my friends. Although there is one girl who I am not too keen on, which is a shame but I do have my reasons I swear! She is just too...whats the word...possessive. I don't think thats the right word I am looking for but to some degree it is. She is possessive of conversations, if that makes any sense. I feel like I can't even speak while I am around. It's speak when spoken to and not anything else. That is not how I want to be treated by my friends. Plus that, and as horrible as this sounds, I think she is into the same guy I am. And not saying that is why I stopped being her friend but it certainly doesn't help the situation when I am trying to talk to him (the guy I like and also the same guy she is interested in) and I can't speak because she butts me out of the conversation. She also has to push her way in between us all the time, so in the end I kind of just stopped talking with her and hanging out with her. I guess that was pretty rotten of me but I mean common! No one wants to be treated like that! No one! Also in the friend department I had a super clingy friend who would not for the life of anything let me out of her sights. It got super annoying really fast. She would not leave me alone, it was like she was obsessed with me. She called me more times than my mother does in a day (which is a lot considering she calls all of the time) and she kept, literally, latching onto me. She would curl around my body when we would arch a movie with friends and she would always be on top of me "cuddling." Ew no, like please don't touch me unless I say you can. It got really bad to a point where she would also just walk into my room and not let me do homework and would not let me get anything done. Finally it has calmed down after a bit of a fight, starting on her end.
Another friend of mine is quickly becoming a really great friend of mine. We get along really well and we have a lot in common. We say the same thing at the same time often which is really funny and cool at the same time and we both obsess over guys. Well not over like college boys (although we do that on the occasion) I mean like movie stars and stuff, haha but really she has made college a lot easier. My roommate too has become a close friend of mine and we get along really great! She has finally start dot come out of her shell which I am so glad for because in my opinion her parents have kept her on a sort of tight leash and now she can finally have some fun out in the real world! lol
And now to the romance in my life...not that it's a lot but there is, finally, something! So the guy I mentioned earlier, a few paragraphs up, is amazing. He and I have so much in common but also like different things (which keeps it interesting) and ugourwudsbhfgiusfghj. Okay anyway haha, he likes anime and actual good music and he is smart and likes to play video games and is super nice and likes Spiderman (aka my boyfriend, lol one of many I should say...because I have a lot of fictional boyfriends and husbands lol) and he is literally just efbigeruhwiohsuifdbjs. Okay I will stop with the letter thing but really I have come to like this guy. If he ever reads this or any of my friends for that matter they will know instantly who writes on this blog and who all of this is about...so awkward. lol. Anyway I don't know if he is into me or not because well I suck at seeing things that are right in front of my face lol. My friends say that he is but I can't help but doubt it, you know? Plus I don't want to tell him that I am into him because I don't want it to be awkward between him and I. I guess I am going to have to figure out what I am going to do because I should probably tell him soon so if he is interested he doesn't think that I friend zoned him but if he doesn't like me I won't get more feelings for him. And like we just met so its not like I am head over heels but I do like him...so yeah lol.
I think that is really it for now...I don't have anything else to really say so bye! :)
xoxo
Monday, June 29, 2015
Daily Diary 74
Hello everyone, or well who ever reads this blog which could be anyone or no one! Anyway exciting news, I have finally graduated high School! How exciting! I am super stoked to be going away for college. In which I will be majoring in history! I just got my room mate assignment and it kind of put everything into persecutive! I am literally growing up and going to college. I am leaving my old life behind and beginning again! This couldn't be more exciting for me! I am so excited and I really hope that my room mate and I will get along and that we become great friends but who knows what will happen right? Anyway I will be signing off! See you real soon! (Maybe because I always forget I have a blog, which is probably bad blogging skills or what ever lol)
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Daily Diary 73
I'm feeling really hurt and betrayed right now. I'm upset. So no I am not acting like a five year old I'm being the mature one letting my self cool down before I say something that I don't mean.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Daily Diary 72
I kind of just want to get in my car and drive off. Just leave and never come back. I almost want to pull a Margo Roth Spiegelman...lol. I feel like my life recently has just gotten so weird. My friends are acting strange, my parents are acting strange and everyone around me is just out there...or maybe it's me. I don't know. All I know is that I am a messed up chick who's life is a series of unfortunate events. All I have is my fandoms and fanfictions to help me through the day. I have imaginary friends still and I talk to them. Pft I must be delirious right? No...I'm not, I'm just lonely, I think...My friends all apparently went out after prom without telling me. I had been asking for a week what we wanted to do and no one answered me but I guess now I know why...They went out without me. I want to believe that it isn't true but all the facts point to it being true. Not only that I just feel so left out of my own friend group where all these people are supposed to be my best friends. Especially my one friend, hes my best friend and I don't know why he wouldn't think to even say something to me. I figured the other two wouldn't say anything but him...I expected...I don't I expected him to tell me. As for the two, my Freddie and Katy as I like to call them on her as an overused Skins reference (A British TV show that I highly recommend) they are still together and even though I refer to myself as Effy, I do not get the guy in the end but I do get to keep Effy's depression although not the psychotic depression she has. I'm not even diagnosed with depression it just feels like I am all the time. Like I am constantly underwater ( another overused expression of mine) Anyway my lovely Katy is still a bitch to me, sorry to say but I feel like she does some of the things she does because I am around. As far as "Freddie" goes he's an idiot. Yesterday with those two and my best friend wasn't great. It was actually pretty horrible. I cried the whole way home. Then proceeded to be pissed for the rest pof the night. I am just so done with all of there crap that they give me. I usually am a good sport for a lot of things they do and all that but god this sucks...Idk how to even explain it.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Daily Diary 70
God...where to begin. I have had one of the worst days of my life, sounds dramatic I know but truly I never thought I would see a day like this. My head is fucked up, it is so fucked up that I cannot even think straight right now.
Daily Diary 71
I don't know what I'm crying about. I shouldn't be but I feel so let down...although thats to be expected in my life but I just didn't expect it from the people I love most. Its my birthday next week. The big one where I become an adult. I just thought that my friends would spend that day with me but most of them are probably go to anothers party...I mean its not that big of a deal and I think I am totally blowing this out of proportion...and I didn't have anything planned but I still feel let down, ya know... I don't know. I feel kind of stupid for feeling sad over something like this..
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